#i don't feel like i deserve even an ounce of the kindness and grace you show me because i don't even show myself that much

[sinnershavesoulstoo]

I look at you and it hurts My bones are tender, my heart is raw, my soul aches I waste the day hoping for more time to be with you To be in your presence, to feel the warmth of your body when we're close, to gently brush up against one another unexpectedly.

My bones are tender, my heart is raw, my soul aches I waste the day imagining a future with you To be held, and loved, and cherished, to know what safety truly is when we're alone, to be intertwined - not just with our bodies, but our souls.

My bones are tender, my heart is raw, my soul aches I waste the day replaying conversations with you To be told you'd be lost without me, to hear such soft and sincere praise when we're laughing, to wish you'd say more, mean more.

My bones are tender, my heart is raw, my soul aches I waste the day breaking my own heart, because I'm in love with you. To be alone, and hopeless, and scared, to realize this is all one sided after all, to lose the last bit of hope I held onto and to finally fall apart.

[theromanticartist]

Penelope & Colin Bridgerton enjoying a romantic day at their countryside cottage.

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FanFic by The Romantic Artist

Penelope and Colin Bridgerton, fresh off their wedding, traveled to their cottage for a romantic picnic. With every moment alone they had together, it seemed like the perfect time for Colin to make love to his bride.

The sun heated up the meadow around them. Colin spread out a blanket, and Penelope began to unpack the picnic basket. She had asked their maid to put together an assortment of his favorites: colorful macarons, slices of cheese, and a fresh bottle of wine.

Colin watched in awe as she worked, marveling at her beauty and grace. She was kind and gentle yet witty and strong, a perfect combination for a life partner. Even more so, she loved him back with a passion that defies words. Colin felt deeply blessed that such as woman could love him too.

Penelope felt his adoring gaze and blushed. “What is it?” she asked sweetly.

“I was just thinking how lucky I am that I am the man you love," he said softly, taking her hands in his own and pressing them against his chest. "Your love for me fills me with such wonder. I don't know what good deed I did to the world to deserve a marvelous woman like you."

Penelope smiled at him, tears welling up in her eyes. She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips before pulling away to look into his eyes. "I'm so glad that you'd chosen me to be your wife. I love you and I always will."

As the couple enjoyed their picnic in the garden of their cottage, he could feel Penelope's gaze upon him as if she was admiring each tiny detail of his being. The warmth of her eyes on him made his heart flutter and made him want to stay in this moment forever. He knew that her love for him only grew stronger with each passing day and it humbled him to know that he was so cherished by another human being.

"If you continue to look at me like this, I'll have to make love to you," he threw a playful threat with a smirk on his lips.

She laughed. Then rose one challenging brow," I'm still looking."

Colin found himself unable to resist her any longer and, leaning in, he kissed her softly on the lips, his hands cupping the side of her face. As their passion grew, his hands moved down her body, caressing the curves of her waist and fondling her breasts.

Penelope arched her body against his as she felt the warmth of his touch. His hand moved lower, stroking her delicate skin beneath her cleavage. She gasped with pleasure and ran her hands through Colin's hair before pushing him onto his back and straddling him. She smiled down at him, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she began to slowly roll down her dress sleeves and cleavage.

Colin's eyes seared her skin with desire.

He couldn't resist and tug down the hem of her cleavage at once. Her breasts popped out. With one passionate motion he leaned forward, pressing his face between her breasts and tasting the warmth of her skin. His tongue left a burning trail up the creamy expanse of her chest, until it reached the peak of her right nipple where he indulged himself with every ounce of desire. Penelope moaned in pleasure at each tantalizing suckle and lick. Her breasts were sweet and supple to his touch, her nipples hard against his tongue.

She moved her hips in a frenzied circle against his straining erection. A growl of pleasure rumbled deep in Colin's throat as he felt the heat from her body seep through his clothing.

"Oh, God. Are you-"

He slid his hands up her thighs, confirming what he had suspected: she wasn't wearing undergarments.

"You had this planned all along."

She bit her lower lip, blushing. "Uhum," she confirmed with a quick nod.

Colin looked up to the sky. "Thank you, Lord, for giving me the perfect wife!"

Penelope let out a giggle before being taken by Colin passionate lips on hers. (To be continued...)

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[nekropsii]

this blog is awesome but jas the horroble side effect of making it so anytime i see alpha trolls stiff i get unreasonably mad like. They Are Not Like That. i saw someone call damara chaotic evil and it made mw sooo mad. like i GET IT i get it no one wants to read a billion pages but like. NO ONE IS MAKING U MAKE THESE POSTS... rauaugh. sorry lol

Inflicting you with the horrible knowledge that almost nobody in the god damn fandom actually knows anything about the Alpha Trolls, nor do they care to. And if they do know anything, they often strip them of most if not all of their traits- including their most interesting ones!- for the sake of shipping and/or making an OC with their face and name. It blows. Why do you think you just about never see me reblogging Alpha Troll content? I don't visit any of their tags because if I do, it's just beams of pure unadulterated psychic damage blasted directly into my fucking eyes. Genuinely it feels like people were better at handling them back when Homestuck was still running and the community was still actively a cesspit. At the very least there were some oases of people that had actual brain cells. They've all died out now. They were either chased away by Homestuck's Postcanon- which caused a very real and very, very large exodus- or by the absolutely horrific harassment you'd receive for liking the Alpha Trolls- ESPECIALLY Mituna.

Swerving off topic for a moment to talk about the harassment: I saw a significantly higher number of people that were genuinely normal about Mituna back in the day that handled his disability with more grace than God. Diehard Mituna fans- especially diehard Mituna/Latula shippers- were people you'd be getting intricate guides and long lists of resources surrounding TBIs- including genuinely helpful stuff like the care and treatment of them for anyone who had suffered one recently, that kind of thing- and some of the most touching portrayals of mental disability I'd ever seen. It's a shame a lot of their stuff is either gone or nearly impossible to find nowadays, on account of Tumblr's search system prioritizing new content, and... You know... The vicious harassment people would get for even saying they liked him in the first place. I'm talking, like, Cronus-tier shit. People were getting called slurs and being told to kill themselves, even when what they made was handled with the most tact physically possible. It still happens to this day, at least to me. It's pretty deranged! Always has been.

Back on topic, though... Urgh. Damara being read as Chaotic Evil... Me when I take the bait of a blatantly abusive misogynist with zero ounce of critical thought. Damara isn't evil, she's just reactive. There's a big difference. "Evil" implies she struck first and is totally unjustified in her actions, and is only doing them because she wants to. She's an incredibly tortured soul who is, in my honest opinion, reasonably responding to her situation. If anything, I think she should have done worse. I think she should have straight up killed Rufioh. Meenah too, but... Well, she definitely tried to do that, and almost succeeded, but Aranea put her in her Quest Cocoon, so... She's here and Godtier, instead of dead in the ground. Unfortunate. Damara both needed and deserved that kill more than anything else in the world.

[hannieluvsyou]

Drift Away. (Part One)

Xu Minghao x Reader (ft. Moon Junhui)

description: wherein your love for him slowly fades into blurry lines, and he realizes too late.

genre: angst

warnings: unrequited feelings (for now), swearing, Minghao is painfully oblivious

note: : I apologize in advance for any typos or grammatical errors. (This is also my first time writing angst hihihi). I'm also planning to make multiple parts bc I'm too lazy to write this all in one go.

Xu Minghao. My best friend. My star.

In this world, he is the only thing I have. I cherish him, more than anything but.. It's all one sided.

I give him everything. My time, my attention, my support, everything. But nothing is ever enough for him to see these lines I created that connects us. The lines that hold clarity, sincerety, and love that is meant for him and him only. The love that he failed to comprehend.

I was aware that he never asked for this, but I can't help it. His smile that lights up the whole atmosphere, his laugh that levels with the hymns of the angels in heaven, his heart that's full of warmth. He deserves more than this world has to offer.

But, his heart was out of reach, already beating and seeking for another.

But it's okay. It's not his fault. It's me who keeps on hoping that maybe, maybe things will take a turn. Maybe he might see me, too. It's my fault for letting myself fall in love with him so easily.

It was inevitable though, he's so fucking easy to love! Everything he does holds no flaw, every action carries grace, every word comes out like silk, what's not to love?

Even if I know that my love will continue to rot between us, I find myself still falling for him despite everything.

But.. I don't think I can fall for him any deeper. I had already reached the bottom of this sorrowful pit that I filled with false hope.

The false hope that I clung onto for the past years with him.

Today was the day that I decided to climb out of that pitiful pit.

It was a normal day. Nothing special going on, no events of any kind. Atleast that's what I thought.

I was getting ready to go to the grocery store since I ran out of stuff to eat but suddenly Minghao texted me, saying he needed help with something. Of course I couldn't refuse, it was him after all.

But oh how I wish I could rewind time and decline.

He arrived at my apartment looking clammy and nervous but I could sense some excitement hiding in there. As he flopped down beside me he finally looked at me and said the things that I wish I didn't hear. The words that I wished were aimed at me.

"Please help me confess to Lijuan."

I can feel my heart drop down.

Lijuan. My ex-best friend. How fucking ironic.

She's not only my ex-best friend, but also a backstabbing manipulator who took everything away from me when we were kids. Everyone I talked to back then, suddenly end up vanishing since little miss perfect was bad mouthing me.

I don't know how to feel, I want to disagree but I can't. I want to be selfish, but I had no right.

"Of course." I wanted to fucking cry but his wide grin and sparkly eyes made my lips quirk up a bit.

"Thank you! I knew I could count on you." He sighed in relief and proceeded to bid his goodbyes since he has to prepare for this big moment.

After he left, I was left on the couch alone. I didn't know what to do. I was heartbroken and devastated, yet what right do I have?

I decided to not go to the grocery store anymore since I lost every ounce of my appetite. Minghao said he'll text me the details about his confession, saying he'll take her out to this fancy dinner and break the ice to her.

I wanted to tell him about Lijuan, but I doubt that he'll even believe the shit that she has done to me.

I lay down on my couch and just stared at the ceiling above me, I wanted to cry but no tears came whatsoever.

'Maybe we were never meant to be after all..'

I was about to drift off to sleep but a sudden 'ding!' made me sit up and grab my phone.

Haohao: hey, would you mind picking up the flowers i ordered? They're already paid so u just have to pick them up.

Haohao: [location]

I stare at the message for a bit before typing my response.

You: sure, i don't mind.

Haohao: thanks again, i owe you one.

The things I would do, just because it was you. Damn, this hurts more than I thought.

I begrudgingly stood up and made my way to the location he sent me. It was a cute little flower shop situated beside a park.

As I entered the shop I was immediately greeted by the welcoming scent of flowers.

"Hello, welcome! How can I assist you?" A tall good-looking boy came up to me holding a bunch of roses.

"I'm here to pick up an order for Xu Minghao." I say with a somewhat bitter tone. He seemed to notice, and proceeded to ask, "Sorry for asking but is he your boyfriend? Did you have guys fight? You seem.. sad." He said now putting the roses down.

'Are you supposed to be a therapist or something?' I wanted to say.

"No, he's not my boyfriend and no we didn't fight. Can I just get his order, please?" He sensed that I did not want to dwell on the topic any further and only nodded. He went to the back to pick up the bouquet, I'm assuming.

As I wait for him to return, I'm stuck with my own thoughts. Am I really just giving up on him? It's not like I have a choice, though.

From now on, I think it's best to keep my distance from him and move on.

I can feel my heart drift away, I can hear the string snap between us. The string that failed to hold us together.

Thank you for making me happy, Xu Minghao. It's time to let you go.

[blakeswritingimagines]

Dear Y/n

The words I have written before this line, and any I will write after it, may never come close to describing what I feel in the depths of my heart for you. Every moment I think of you is a moment of joy, and every moment you shine your light toward me is a moment of pleasure I treasure. You are truly beautiful, N, and I am thankful for your grace and attention to me. Your very presence brings me so much joy.

I’ll say this for now. My love for you burns brighter than a thousand stars. It leaves a burning ache in my chest. I want you more than anything. More than life itself. You have a way about you that is simply… incredible. You always know exactly what to say to cheer me up. I’ve never been able to find a better companion. Your laughter is soothing… and contagious. It fills my heart with so much joy that I can barely breathe, and the laughter flows out of me naturally as well. Your smile is like an angel's. It fills me with so many feelings I can’t even begin to describe them all. Simply being alive when you are around, is a blessing.

You are… the light of my world. You take my breath away, each and every time I see you. There is not another like you in all of the Seven Kingdoms. As sweet and kind and beautiful as you are, I do not deserve to have you in my life. Yet nonetheless, you stay with me. And I am forever thankful. I have come to love you my darling. I hope you will return the sentiment. I have come to care for you deeply, perhaps even more deeply than my own life. I hope you will do me the honor of allowing me to join our houses and join me in my reign as we rule together, in bliss and in love.

My love the first time I laid my eyes on you, I knew that our fates were interwoven as if they were one. You were like no beauty I have ever seen before. You captivate my every thought and every waking hour. If you will have me, I would propose to you, under a field of wildflowers and beneath the shade of a great oak tree, and I will give you every ounce of my love, every ounce of my soul, for all eternity. You grace this world like the sun graces a cold winter morning. Your very presence fills me with warmth. Your eyes draw me in like the night sky. They are like gems reflecting the light of the moon and the stars. From the first day we met, I was enchanted by your charm and wit. I feel like I could look into your eyes for days on end. If this was the only time I ever saw you, I could die a happy man. I would gladly fight a score of foes and conquer a hundred castles to bring you just the smallest token of my affection.

You are beautiful. The kind of beautiful that leaves no eye able to look away, no heart that won’t beat at the mere mention of your name, no lips that won’t form a smile when you look at them. For you could look at the stars or the heavens itself, and find them lacking in comparison to your beauty. You are the love that binds the Seven Kingdoms together. I would give everything I have just to be with you. I love you.

My dear Y/n, I love you more than life itself. You fill my day with joy and my nights with hope. Your hair smells like summer, your laughter is infectious and your eyes shine like diamonds whenever I look into them. I cannot even begin to attempt to put all the love I feel for your into these words. You are my sun and the stars in the sky, my love, and I hope you are happy to know that I could have never imagined how wonderful life would have been with you. I love you. So much.

I am in love with you. Deeply and truly in love. I would do anything for you, and I would go to the end of the world and back, just to see your face. You fill my life with warmth and love and I don't know what I would do without you. My love for you is endless, and my loyalty to you is unbreakable. I will always love you and I will always be yours. You are more valuable to me than the iron throne. You’re more valuable than the Seven Kingdoms. To me, you’re more valuable than anything in the world. You are my everything, my love. Without you, I am nothing. I don’t know how to explain it. But you are my person. You bring color to my world. You bring love to my heart I hope you know that.

You are the greatest gift I could ever have. That I get to wake up and see your beautiful eyes every day for the rest of my life, that I will get to see all of our future children grow up around me fills me with a feeling of fulfillment that I have never known before. Being with you is the greatest gift in the world, my love. I love you for all your wonderful qualities. You are generous and kind and forgiving. You are a joy to be around, and you make me feel so happy and comfortable. I love you for your wit and humor, and the way you make me laugh. I love you for the way you make me feel special and loved. I love you for all the little things that make you who you are, and I love you for being my own beautiful and loving queen. I cherish you for all you are. 

The way you speak captivates me and so does your voice. The tone of your voice has a way about it that makes me feel as if I want to stay around forever so that I can hear it. Your voice is like music. It is so sweet and so soothing. It makes me feel as if I would like nothing more than to sing your praises. You are truly as beautiful as you are interesting. To know you is a joy that I am grateful for. If I were to tell you every little thing I love about you we would be here all damn night. Every moment, I think of you. You fill up my every thought, and fill up every dream that I have. You are everything my love, you are the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I love you with an intensity that has never and will never be matched. Every single day, every moment, every minute that we spend together is so special to me.

-Aemond Targaryen

[deathoftheauthors]

Big detractors are

1. The cats. Squid is a little old but he & Francis don't deserve to have their lives upended. What if they had to be separated? Put in some shitty animal shelter?

2. My parents would feel bad.

Honorable mentions:

Muzzy is old.

I don't know what Danny would do. He's resilient. Even when he's raving insane (or maybe especially?), he's defending & protecting a part of himself. He's moving forward & feeling more stable. He's done shit & made it work. He has friends that love him very much. I think he could go on to do pretty cool things if he wasn't dragging me around like a dead horse. Obviously he would find someone or two to love deeply. He would be relieved of so many constantly recurring splinters of shittiness & suffering. How is it fair to have someone around who remembers you as a 14-year-old? Truly the least graceful age to be.

My sibling would feel bad. I love them. They piss me off so much. Perhaps this is the nature of siblings. We were very close for a little while. I was always so hard on them because I saw the hard times they fell on & blamed them for their situation. Now I feel like a fuckup. Now I regret being so critical. That's not to say they aren't responsible for parts of their situation. Just that everyone deserves a little kindness. Even when people suffer in direct response to their choices & outcomes. Especially then.*

*Obviously any ounce of grace I extend to others does not apply to myself.

I think Gavy would be understanding. Is it weird I'm so attached to my friendships with him & Pogo?

I feel like others have love for me, but we don't really talk & never have with much regularity. I inflated my importance in their lives. It happens. I've never been good at keeping good habits, like staying in touch with friends. I've never been good at finishing things. I usually give up pretty quickly.

[undergoing-mitosis]

i also have the same problem. hell, i didn't even know what autistic burnout was until a few months ago. but the biggest piece of advice i can give you is to take a step back.

easier said than done, i know. but, if at all possible, use any allowances you have. leave the room if it's too loud. buy noise cancelling ear covers. wear clothes that you feel comfortable in. don't force yourself to do something if you physically can't. stay at home if you have to.

continued after the cut...

spend every ounce of free time you can get wisely. stay in your own space unmasked. indulge in your special interests, or if these don't give you joy any more do something self-carey. just allow yourself to do whatever you feel. and use every drop and ounce of time you can to recharge and prepare yourself to step into the world again.

cry if you need to. crying is good.

asmr is my saving grace when im in so exhausted or stressed that i physically cannot move. i lie in my bed under my blankets w my blahaj (sensory haven!!!) and watch asmr and slowly drop off to sleep. it keeps my adhd brain occupied, shuts up all the shitty thoughts for a bit and allows me to relax. would also recommend white noise n soundscapes, bubble baths, safe scents, soft blankets, comfort shows, perhaps some guided meditation too. anything which is sensory safety for you. my primary sense is auditory (and then secondarily kinetic), but if you are mainly visual instead there's some great visual asmr out there, or perhaps those oddly satisfying videos might help.

in short, allow your brain the time and space to heal. don't be too hard on yourself, since you are literally in a state of survival mode. it's okay to not be okay. it's okay to be struggling. and it's okay to prioritise your mental and emotional health over your commitments. autism is a disability, after all, and autistic burnout is one of the most disabling parts of it all, especially for high-masking people.

if you have commitments you can't avoid, one thing that has helped me before is making a list of like, two things. that's it. that's all you have to do in a day. two small things, like brush your teeth and wash your face. that's it. then the next day, if you feel ready, add one more thing if the previous day went well. if it didn't that's okay. if you stay with two things that's okay. if you can't do anything, that's okay. but keep trying to take life in small, manageable bite sized chunks, no matter how small those chunks need to be. and keep persevering, and being kind to yourself if it doesn't work, and eventually you'll get there <3

this shit sucks, and there is no one size fits all solution. executive dysfunction sucks. autistic burnout sucks. audhd sucks, sometimes. and i am not going to pretend that im some connoisseur of audhd help (im struggling w all this too rn haha) but this is just what has helped me a lil bit in the past. and if you're anything like me, take this post as a permission to look after yourself. you deserve to be looked after. you deserve to have the space to heal. it is okay to not be able to do everything by yourself. it is okay to need help. it is okay to have to take a step back. you are no less worthy of a person for doing so, in fact you're more worthy because you're listening to your body as it's screaming at you in survival mode. you are worthy of love. you are worthy of time. you deserve to be able to recover. you have got this. <3

Slight vent/cry for advice

can someone please give me advice/tips/ways to keep myself afloat while struggling with autistic burnout and executive dysfunction

this is tiny little cry for little bit of help

when I ask a neurotypical for advice I'm typically faced with "get some rest" "limit social media" " take meds " and some other bullshit calling my lazy and unproductive and worthless

I can hardly get myself to do hygiene (brushing teeth, showering, deordrant, hair, etc..), My grades have compeletly plummeted, I'm getting overstimulatated easier than normal, and I can't regulate my mood like normal + my short term memory is shot currently

can I get advice on how to speak to people that can help me (teachers, friends, parents are iffy but etc)

can I get advice on how to cope and bring myself out of this little hole

can I get tips on how to do day to day task agajn

please..

[movnts]

𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞

[mason mount fluff]

inspo from the beautiful @pettypartypooper: broke up years ago and both moved away, lost touch. now our friends each suggested a blind date and shit, you’re my date apparently

"this is the worst idea you've ever had," you grumbled as the taxi pulled up outside of your local italian restaurant, the soft amber hue from candlelight illuminating the concrete pavement outside. your best friend, grace, would simply shoot you an evil smirk as she clambered out of the passenger seat, pressing a twenty pound note into the taxi driver's palms before expressing her apologies for her best friend's grumbling all journey.

dating had never really been your scene. through mainly failed relationships and losing touch with those who you considered forever's you'd eventually given up on ever finding 'the one'. instead you wanted to enjoy your life; go out whenever you liked, party as hard as you wanted to and not have your mind one step behind because of a man. granted, there were night's when you wanted nothing more than to just curl into the side of someone but you couldn't bring yourself to trading your freedom for the occasional cuddle when night's were colder than you liked.

and without you knowing grace had arranged a blind date for the both of you, chatting your ear off whilst you'd gotten ready as she's rambled and rambled about how she hopes they're both as fit as they sounded, her eyebrows wiggling whenever it was brought up. you weren't exactly thrilled with her devious plan, a fair few curse words exchanged as she'd told you the night before over a cheap bottle of wine, hiding behind one of your cushions as you'd threatened to swirl your glass over her. you didn't want a relationship right now - especially with someone who you'd never seen, let alone met before.

the restaurant had a steady buzz of conversation: couple's going through a rocky part sobbing over their starters, newly promoted employees ordering another round of house champagne as they're erupt into a loud but respectful cheer. it was the kind of place that offered a sense of security, a place that felt like home.

"we don't even know who we're looking for!" you hissed, not wanting to draw too much attention to you both as she circled the tables. her eyes would be darting from person to person, a guessing game inside of her head as to whether it was the people we were meant to be meeting. your vision would follow hers as she pointed out a table stuffed in the corner, tucked away from the gentle hustle and bustle of the other customers - two lads sitting next to each other, their thought's worlds away as their fingers scrolled through their phones, obviously finding their interest in whatever was pixelated across their screens.

you hesitated, your body refusing your steps as you felt familiarity settle in the pits of your brain. you recognised that face.

"is that..." grace whispered, her back now facing the table as she followed your gaze, her eyes searched over your face for an ounce of emotion or something that could answer her open ended question.

"mason," you replied curtly, a spark of anger running sharply through your veins as grace crossed her arms across her chest. of course you knew she didn't have anything to do with this, that she wouldn't have known who the lads were either - but there was a thought nibbling away in the back of your mind, filling your head with dread as you struggled to keep yourself grounded in the moment.

you would never forget mason mount. your first serious boyfriend, he had taught you everything that you needed to know in order to survive in the world around you. it had been a passionate whirlwind romance; the dreaded three-words being shared between fits of laughter four weeks into the relationship, your belongings being packed into suitcases and drove to his as your romance would hit the two month mark.

before mason you never knew what love was - your warped definition gradually being erased as he showered you in nothing but affection. you were meant to last forever: both grow your wings and take off into the universe, hand-in-hand, never looking back. but you needed someone who was a constant presence in your life. and mason, at the time, couldn't offer you that.

"i didn't know you were back..." you greeted him with the absence of a 'hello' or 'how are you', taking a seat opposite him as grace's head bowed to the table, mason's friends mirroring her stance as they swallowed thickly.

mason didn't know where to look, eyebrows knitted in confusion as he tried to figure out if this was a wicked joke that someone had played on you both.

but you were real; restaurant was real; the blind-date was real.

the break-up had been cold and bitter, mason leaving with his things in badly packed bags and your heart still in his firm grasp. there were times where mason could smell the damp of the roads as he drove away that night, cheeks stained with tears as he wished you well. despite it being years since you last laid eyes on each other your heart would get a flutter of butterflies, cheeks tainted red as you felt yourself slip into the wide-eyed teenager that once fell in love.

"we were good together, weren't we?" his question was abrupt, leaving your stomach feeling as though you were about to go down the highest drop of a rollercoaster. and it was almost as if you both forgot that your friends were sat next to you, the tension between you being thick enough to slice with a knife.

"how much has changed?" you already knew the answer to your own question. his name was plastered across every sports channel and newspaper, photo's of him being shared around every corner of social media - your dry throat and hazed eyes always making you scroll on or look away. nobody knew you still had his old derby shirt still stuffed in the back of your wardrobe, your fingers never being strong enough to let it fall into the bin whenever you mentally prepared yourself to do so. you were more attached to the memories rather than mason himself: you were a happy, carefree teenager with a high-demanding relationship ideology.

and you didn't want to sit there and scream about how you both deserved to grow old together. that the timing was just sightly off; that it was weird because you both still thought of each other whenever a certain song crackled on the car radio.

you didn't want that.

"strangers?" mason had whispered, pinky finger pointed out towards you as his head nodded in the motion of your hand. your finger would wrap around his, his touch no longer feeling familiar as his skin was cold to your shaky touch. strangers.

[jiannaeloise]

I've had enough

So I have come to conclusion that some of my church friends are really toxic as fuck no matter how much grace, kindness, and respect I have within myself. They bring about the same issues about one common friend we have, over and over again, knowing that what they say about her is the exact opposite and dare I say, actually a reflection of them. They have so much hate and so much toxicity in them that they don't even bother a single ounce that the common friend we share is my best friend. Someone I'm really close with.

I've been with this best friend and I've known her for so long that I don't think they realize just how much goodness and generosity she has in her heart but she won't take no shit. Meaning, she will call you out on your bullshit straight on. And when she does that, it's for you. She will try to understand you but she won't tolerate any of your bad behavior and thinking. That's what I appreciate about her.

Today, I decided, in order for me to have a peace of mind, to restrict these toxic people from my church group. I tried to ignore the group chat using my old iphone where some of my apps are weirdly updated because I haven't registered any apple IDs. Facebook needs to get that ignore chat feature back, honestly. Sadly this group chat is where they shared detailed screenshots and false story-telling about my best friend. I wanted to leave the group chat. But the thing is, if I do, they will surely make a fuss about it and I'm 100% sure that they will be spreading false stories and backstabbing facts about me too. They can easily turn their power against me. So the best thing to do at this point was to restrict them on my social media and hide their posts or updates because I'm starting not to want to sense any of their existence.

They should really look closely within themselves. I do hope some of the members of the group remember that there are two sides of the coin. Sadly, that coin is upturned only for their benefit and their holier-than-thou mentality and attitude. One thing is for sure, I will never go down to their level. I will never take things on social media. And I will never badmouth them no matter how much they deserve it. Because that is actual GRACE. I am not close-minded like them.

I decided to go under the radar from them. I'm planning to do it for a month starting this July. No one from that toxic group will know where I am. No one will get a hold of me. I am officially going to start to strip away from their negativity and toxicity. I think it's best that they know and feel that I'm starting to steer clear of them. I pity their shallowness and the joy they find in spreading lies and gossip about a person like they haven't been a good friend to them.

I don't know when this issue is going to end. But I just pray, that the Lord grant me the discernment and peace of mind. No one deserves this kind of toxic negativity. I don't want to keep on doing the: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." I've been doing all this time. I know who the bad guys are. I don't belong with the bad guys.

Adios, bitches.

[theromanticartist]

FanFic by The Romantic Artist: Penelope and Colin Bridgerton, fresh off their wedding the prior week, traveled to their cottage for a romantic picnic. With every moment alone they had together, it seemed like the perfect time for Colin to make love to his bride. Visit Patreon.com/TheRomanticArtist for exclusive content, including Limited Edition gifts and NSFW illustrations.

The sun heated up the meadow around them. Colin spread out a blanket, and Penelope began to unpack the picnic basket. She had asked their maid to put together an assortment of his favorites: colorful macarons, slices of cheese, and a fresh bottle of wine.

Colin watched in awe as she worked, marveling at her beauty and grace. She was kind and gentle yet witty and strong, a perfect combination for a life partner. Even more so, she loved him back with a passion that defies words. Colin felt deeply blessed that such as woman could love him too.

Penelope felt his adoring gaze and blushed. “What is it?” she asked sweetly.

“I was just thinking how lucky I am that I am the man you love," he said softly, taking her hands in his own and pressing them against his chest. "Your love for me fills me with such wonder. I don't know what good deed I did to the world to deserve a marvelous woman like you."

Penelope smiled at him, tears welling up in her eyes. She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips before pulling away to look into his eyes. "I'm so glad that you'd chosen me to be your wife. I love you and I always will."

As the couple enjoyed their picnic in the garden of their cottage, he could feel Penelope's gaze upon him as if she was admiring each tiny detail of his being. The warmth of her eyes on him made his heart flutter and made him want to stay in this moment forever. He knew that her love for him only grew stronger with each passing day and it humbled him to know that he was so cherished by another human being.

"If you continue to look at me like this, I'll have to make love to you," he threw a playful threat with a smirk on his lips.

She laughed. Then rose one challenging brow," I'm still looking."

Colin found himself unable to resist her any longer and, leaning in, he kissed her softly on the lips, his hands cupping the side of her face. As their passion grew, his hands moved down her body, caressing the curves of her waist and fondling her breasts.

Penelope arched her body against his as she felt the warmth of his touch. His hand moved lower, stroking her delicate skin beneath her cleavage. She gasped with pleasure and ran her hands through Colin's hair before pushing him onto his back and straddling him. She smiled down at him, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she began to slowly roll down her dress sleeves and cleavage.

Colin's eyes seared her skin with desire.

He couldn't resist and tug down the hem of her cleavage at once. Her breasts popped out. With one passionate motion he leaned forward, pressing his face between her breasts and tasting the warmth of her skin. His tongue left a burning trail up the creamy expanse of her chest, until it reached the peak of her right nipple where he indulged himself with every ounce of desire. Penelope moaned in pleasure at each tantalizing suckle and lick. Her breasts were sweet and supple to his touch, her nipples hard against his tongue.

She moved her hips in a frenzied circle against his straining erection. A growl of pleasure rumbled deep in Colin's throat as he felt the heat from her body seep through his clothing.

"Oh, God. Are you-"

He slid his hands up her thighs, confirming what he had suspected: she wasn't wearing undergarments.

"You had this planned all along."

She bit her lower lip, blushing. "Uhum," she confirmed with a quick nod.

Colin looked up to the sky. "Thank you, Lord, for giving me the perfect wife!"

Penelope let out a giggle before being taken by Colin passionate lips on hers.

(To be continued...)

Visit Patreon.com/TheRomanticArtist for exclusive content, including Limited Edition gifts, NSFW illustrations and Wips.

[theromanticartist]

Fanfic by The Romantic Artist: Penelope and Colin Bridgerton, fresh off their wedding the prior week, traveled to their cottage for a romantic picnic.With every moment alone they had together, it seemed like the perfect time for Colin to make love to his bride

The sun heated up the meadow around them. Colin spread out a blanket, and Penelope began to unpack the picnic basket. She had asked their maid to put together an assortment of his favorites: colorful macarons, slices of cheese, and a fresh bottle of wine.

Colin watched in awe as she worked, marveling at her beauty and grace. She was kind and gentle yet witty and strong, a perfect combination for a life partner. Even more so, she loved him back with a passion that defies words. Colin felt deeply blessed that such as woman could love him too.

Penelope felt his adoring gaze and blushed. “What is it?” she asked sweetly.

“I was just thinking how lucky I am that I am the man you love," he said softly, taking her hands in his own and pressing them against his chest. "Your love for me fills me with such wonder. I don't know what good deed I did to the world to deserve a marvelous woman like you."

Penelope smiled at him, tears welling up in her eyes. She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips before pulling away to look into his eyes. "I'm so glad that you'd chosen me to be your wife. I love you and I always will."

As the couple enjoyed their picnic in the garden of their cottage, he could feel Penelope's gaze upon him as if she was admiring each tiny detail of his being. The warmth of her eyes on him made his heart flutter and made him want to stay in this moment forever. He knew that her love for him only grew stronger with each passing day and it humbled him to know that he was so cherished by another human being.

"If you continue to look at me like this, I'll have to make love to you," he threw a playful threat with a smirk on his lips.

She laughed. Then rose one challenging brow," I'm still looking."

Colin found himself unable to resist her any longer and, leaning in, he kissed her softly on the lips, his hands cupping the side of her face. As their passion grew, his hands moved down her body, caressing the curves of her waist and fondling her breasts.

Penelope arched her body against his as she felt the warmth of his touch. His hand moved lower, stroking her delicate skin beneath her cleavage. She gasped with pleasure and ran her hands through Colin's hair before pushing him onto his back and straddling him. She smiled down at him, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she began to slowly roll down her dress sleeves and cleavage.

Colin's eyes seared her skin with desire.

He couldn't resist and tug down the hem of her cleavage at once. Her breasts popped out. With one passionate motion he leaned forward, pressing his face between her breasts and tasting the warmth of her skin. His tongue left a burning trail up the creamy expanse of her chest, until it reached the peak of her right nipple where he indulged himself with every ounce of desire. Penelope moaned in pleasure at each tantalizing suckle and lick.Her breasts were sweet and supple to his touch, her nipples hard against his tongue.

She moved her hips in a frenzied circle against his straining erection. A growl of pleasure rumbled deep in Colin's throat as he felt the heat from her body seep through his clothing.

"Oh, God. Are you-"

He slid his hands under her skirts, through her thighs, confirming what he had suspected: she wasn't wearing undergarments.

"You had this planned all along."

She bit her lower lip, blushing. "Uhum," she confirmed with a quick nod.

Colin looked up to the sky. "Thank you, Lord, for giving me the perfect wife!"

Penelope let out a giggle before being taken by Colin passionate lips on hers.

(To be continued...)

If you like my art and writing, please check my Patreon page Patreon.com/theromanticartist